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The worst thing about understanding and overthinking about the way I was raised is having so many questions for you, but I'll never get an answer.
It is almost 6 months since my dad died. I am overthinking and over analysing many things that has happened when I was young, not just because his 6th month is coming up on the 23rd. No, it's because one of the courses I am in requires us to reflect, write and compare the way we were raised to the appropriate way we are being taught. We also have to connect other theories we have learnt to our childhood.
As anyone could guess my dad was a huge part of my life but for all the wrong reasons. A father should be encouraging, supportive, understanding and patient. My dad was none of those things. A father should spend the time listening to his family and make the best decision based on the whole unit. Again, he did no such thing. It is so hard to stay objective on this assignment when I am clearly not over some things.
I thought about writing an open letter to my dad but I can't bring myself to do it yet, and that's the exact reason I never did one to follow one to my mom. I didn't know when he was gonna die then and now that he's dead...I don't know...I feel more guilty that I don't feel sad. I should be sad, right?
I am sad he's dead because...well, because he is dead. I know there should be more to it! I should miss calling him, hearing his voice, the advice, the way he was. I don't feel that. I keep wondering if this makes me a bad person.