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I live in a constant struggle of fight or flight.
No matter how well my life is going, my disorder(s) kick me in the teeth. The psychiatrist in the hospital explained it as "...a constant struggle between fight or flight. You medicate to find the calm, but it causes chaos." Those words have been burned into my mind since he spoke them. CPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) is what he thinks I have.
Since I've seen him I have been upping my anti-psychotics, as per his request. I remember when I started these meds 2 years ago in Belleville I felt like a sweaty zombie. It has been getting worse since I've upped them. I have no joy during the days as I struggle to wake up. All I want to do is sleep. Sleep and release my responsibilities.
I need more assistance right now with life - but I work 2 jobs. I have a new kitten. I need to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do with my future. I'm not in school, again, so I'm in a huge slump. I want to do into mental health/social justice field but my disorders keep holding me back. I see the finish line, it is so close.
I feel discouraged to even keep trying.