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There are moments in my day where something catches my eye, but I can't place the moment.
Something has been happening to me lately. I keep going out to different buildings, and stores around me and having random items stop me in my tracks and my brain starts to run 1000X faster trying to pinpoint the memory. Here is the thing, I can't remember where I've seen these items before. It is putting me in a higher sense of anxiety because it is scaring me why I forget.
Is it because something traumatic happened? Is it because it was during the time I was a drug addict? Is it because my manic episodes have been semi blocked from my mind? I just have no idea...and that's scary.
Today, for example, I was shopping for dress pants at Goodwill and I saw a carpet with a specific design that triggered a stir inside me. I felt that the everything else began to dim and turn black while my eyes were locked onto this carpet. I stood there for a little while until someone spoke close to me and I shuddered back to the moment. I moved on, faking normality, but I have been stuck in a state of racing images ever since.
I'm not sure why this keeps happening but I really hope I can remember and put this unease to rest.