"How do you know if you're out of control?" Sadly, you hardly notice at all.
In my years of living with bipolar, I have only been able to notice and anticipate my cycles this year. I had finally stopped using hard drugs or ones that were not prescribed to me for self-care. I should have realised that even taking medications that aren't given to me by a doctor is really unhealthy because it can affect the chemicals in the body and cause adverse effects. In the time that I began my real journey of recovery and self-awareness I have been able to spot the elevated or dropping moods by monitoring through writing. I'm not even that good at it, but it is a good start.
I can't wait until I have a family doctor so I can talk to them about the fact I think I go through rapid cycles. The criteria of rapid cycling is if a person had 4 or more manic or depressive phases within one year. I can 100% guarantee I have experienced that in this year. Going through my old blogs I can pinpoint the weeks of these cycles, so it will be easier for my physician to document. Maybe this will result in a medication change but I can't do that myself, I refuse to unless I can't handle the side effects.
The best that I can do right now is keep doing what I'm doing. Writing, talking and taking care of my physical health. If I don't then my school and my mental health will suffer, not to mention possibly failures of relationships. I don't want to go through any of that again so all I can do is follow through.
Here are some more links to help better understand the facts behind rapid cycling :
Rapid Cycling within Bipolar Disorder II
Rapid Cycling and Mixed "Waves"
Frequently Asked Questions about Rapid Cycling
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