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There is only so much one person can take of repetitive behaviour.
As someone who lives inside a mind of uncertainty and unpredictability, it is safe to say having a routined lifestyle can be a breath of fresh air. Repetitive behaviour on the other hand, not so much.
I find myself feeling very much the same as I did in Belleville; repeating the days over and over. I'm just going through the motions while fighting to keep things going because if I don't then nothing will get done. I feel no drive, no ambition, no path I want to take. I'm not in school, again, so now I have to figure out what I want to do.
I love helping people and psychology but if I get myself into a position of authority and spiral, how many people will I hurt? I can't take that risk...so there goes every single plan I had down the drain. Since I was a child I wanted to help people like me, people who have gone through what I did and it hurts to think that I may never get to be that counselor, social worker, CYW, or probation officer.
I'm just too sick.