Site powered by Weebly. Managed by iPage
There have been a few things I've been keeping silent on through my real and internet life. I've been trying to work through my problems with self awareness, complete honesty (as lying was natural to me) and time. The latter is the hardest to endure.
Time is so fickle. When you have a time limit for something you get the reward of being done. When you're trying to heal from heartbreak, embarrassment, trauma...you don't really have a time limit. You have no idea how long this process will be, or how to stop/fast-forward it. It just happens.
I know I'm not finished healing when it comes to the domestic violence incident 3 years ago. My left cheek bone still hurts when I smile too much. It is such a bitter memory to think of while being happy in the present. It's a perfect metaphor in the blackest of humour.
I have been truly changing and pushing myself to new levels of my personality, cognitive and behavioral abilities. I don't want to be the person I was, I want to be the woman I will become. It's not easy and I've fallen into my old steps sometimes, but I always get out asap. For me, the fact I'm bluntly honest now helps me get out of the "shoes" quicker than ever.
My trick is: remembering everything you hated about your flaws and do it in increments of time. Example: be honest with everyone and yourself for a day. If you can get through that day you can get through everyday. I have felt less stressed, more at ease with my mind/thoughts, and less racing thoughts on lies. Win/win.